Are you familiar with the Five Love Languages by Dr Gary Chapman? Since my husband produces the radio show for Dr Chapman on the 5 Languages, we have become well-versed in them… well, well-versed in that we know them, not that we actually always every day every minute live them out. Ahem.
Husband’s gift is Acts of Service, which I think is unfair in that this, by extension, means me doing the dishes and keeping the bathrooms clean makes him feel loved. Whateverrrrr. Is me sitting on the couch watching football not a gift?? At least I’m somewhat quiet while reading and watching sports. That should count as a gift of love!
Okay, fine. For real, I try to keep my car clean and my house clean as best I can with a good attitude, as that is what means most to him. I can do it. I love him. Which is why I can do it.
I really can.
Tuesdays, I’ll do it, yes!
My language is gifts. This comes from me being an extrovert, I think. (ENFJ, if you’re wondering!) I see everything as a party and a yay! We should celebrate this with a new present!
This language of gifts also comes from my childhood when my grandpa traveled the country giving seminars on marriage and family and grandma drove him everywhere (he was legally blind). They would be gone for long periods of time, but then they’d come visit and have gifts for my brother and me and it made me feel loved! Wow, you were in Arizona and you remembered me?? Your granddaughter? Awwww…. to my eight year old self that kachina doll bought in Tempe was just sooooo much love. My parents were also gift buyers and surprise (or “surKrise” as my dad would say for some reason) givers. All the love. All the feelings. All the gifts.
Well, as life would have it, I married someone who is definitively not a gifts person.
Yep. Life is adorable. Ask me about the mums and Snickers bar for my birthday. What?
And here we are, that blessed time of Christmas – obviously it’s the time of year for all us Languages of Gifts People- Giving and Receiving. It’s the Big Show! It’s what we’ve been waiting for!
For the next couple of weeks, we’re going to talk about Gifts – First, I just have a few rules for you gift giving people out there. And secondly, I’ll have a couple posts about great gift ideas for those loved ones in your life…just trying to make it a little easier for you not-so-good-at-giving friends. (You’re still loved.)
Here are a couple rules for giving gifts:
-Not sure what to get? What’s the last three things they told you about?
-Last three things they bought for themselves?
That’s what you’re looking for! Something that fits those categories! Easy.
-Ask for a list in the middle of June. Say this, “If I were to buy you something that would mean a lot to you, what would that be?” Have them write down ten ideas. Doesn’t have to be specific, just general, as in, “I would feel loved if you bought me jewelry, or found a first edition of my favorite author, or I would feel loved if you planned a getaway weekend…” Write these down NOT near Christmas, rather do it on some date night during the middle of the year and hold onto the list. There’s nothing wrong in writing out some ideas to help – they can’t read your mind and it’s unfair to expect them to! (This works for other love languages as well – have them write down the ten acts of service you could do to show them love, etc.)
-My friend, who is an awesome gift-giver, keeps a list on his phone of gift ideas. Throughout the year, add to your list when you hear them talk about something they like.
-Gifts do not have to cost a lot of money… or any money at all. At Christmas, anniversaries or birthdays, set budgets and be clear with each other about how much you’re spending. Stick to it (whether you’re the gifter or the “getter.”).
-When you give a gift? That’s your gift. Here’s the important part: You gave the gift. You showed your love. You are not going to change their life, don’t be hurt by their non-reaction. You are not to bring up how much you spent on it. GIVE THE GIFT. It’s not a gift if there are strings attached. The end. (Oh, this is a hard one to understand if you’re a gift giver!!!) I am bolding this because it is the most important thing. It is also me yelling at myself to remember this truth.
As I said above, in the next couple weeks, I’ll be posting ideas for gifts – if you have someone you need to buy for and you’re stumped, let me know and I’ll give you some ideas! I’ll be a personal shopper – except we’ll be using your money, ‘kay? ‘kay.