I tried being grateful today.
I’m totally going to write down three things… It will be sooooooo deep and spiritual.
My Grateful List:
Praying to be grateful would also help probably:
Dear God, Please make me thankful for all the things I should feel ashamed I have. Thank you for the shower this morning. Thank you that Bath & Body Works still has Cucumber and Melon scent. Thank you for my husband who got me Starbucks this morning. Oh crap, Starbucks…did I send that birthday card to her yet? Have to remember to buy the gift card from Starbucks for her…where’s my to do list. Starbucks gift card. Oh! right: Toilet paper. Milk. Eggs.
Sorry, God. I’m back. So, about that thankfulness stuff. Um. Thanks for everything. I promise to be good. I promise I’ll talk to my neighbor even though he scares me. Also, on a scale of One to Eve Eating That Fruit, how wrong is it to pray for a new house with good kitchen cupboards?
I try to be grateful. I scroll through Instagram and Twitter and smirk at the funny jokes and the motivational statements. “Amazing things will happen today if you simply look for it!”
Like, I am so looking for it. Basically, I put in my Be Grateful Contacts this morning.
I’m being grateful. In fact, I’m so grateful, I think I’ll take a bike ride with my son. God, give me strength to be all Sporty Mommy right now.
My chin hurts from the handlebar swinging around and hitting me while I was attempting to hoist two bikes into the back of my minivan. My thighs yell at me as I attempt to UNload the bikes from the minivan. I can feel the drop of sweat tracing its way down my back. I feel the sweat more than I feel the grateful.
God, okay. Fine. Let me try this again, okay? Please make me grateful. Plaster a smile on my face.
I grab the mail on my way in. I search for a check.
I find a summons for jury duty.
I complain for ten minutes straight to my husband and daughter about jury duty and how I have better things to do with my time. Plus, p.s. God, THIS??
My afternoon. I’ll tackle the afternoon list. I’ll be thankful! So thankful! It includes balancing checking accounts and finishing laundry. I text a friend and we snark our way through our life updates. I end with the classic poop emoji.
Dear God, Okay – sigh. It’s 5. Time to start thinking about making dinner. I’m sorry I was snarky in my texts. I’m sorry I was mad about jury duty. It’s just… I thought if I was grateful, something good would happen. I’d get some sort of prize for Miss Congeniality. I’d win a gift card to…. crap crap crap. The gift card! I forgot to mail the Starbucks gift card.
It’s 9. We’ve cleaned up from dinner. And by “we”, I mean I cleaned up after dinner. I’m folding the laundry. I’m grumbling inside about nobody helping with the chores. What is this? Like, a whole parallel universe of cleaning the house that nobody else can see? I drop the laundry basket full of folded towels on the floor extra loudly to see if they notice.
I pray: Fine, God. I’m sorrrrrry. I’ll be grateful. I’ll be grateful that….. you… I’ll be grateful you gave me my very own personal parallel universe. 💩
I help with homework, make a list for the next day and notice the cat has thrown up across not just one, but two dining room table chairs. We clean it up. I grumble about stupid cats and stupid puke.
I pray. Again. God: Cat puke. Amen.
I climb into bed. I set the alarm. I close my eyes and attempt to pray one more time. God, I am so sorry. I’m such a letdown. I get it. I know it. I’ll try one more time to make up for it: So. Here goes. Three things I’m grateful for:
that there will be coffee tomorr…. ugh!!! I forgot the gift card for her birthday card… I have to mail that tomorrow…
I tried being grateful today.