Updated: Apr 27, 2019
I'm the worst wait-er ever.
I hate waiting. What feels natural is: Quick decisions. Spontaneous. Green arrows - go! Let's do it now! Why are we still talking about this?
Growing up, a family phrase, "Anticipation is half the gratification" was used to calm me down, tease me with waiting.
Me as a piano student, being told: Slow down... feel the tempo...there's as much music & beauty between the notes as there is in the notes.
Me jumping from project to project as an adult. I want to learn now, I want to do it now. Scattered half-done starts lying in boxes. Waiting.
Me feeling frustrated with people. You're soooo slow. Please, for the love of all that is good, MOVE! Why are you on this road if you didn't actually WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE? People who have to mull things over. We'll meet back in a week and talk about it again. I would have had the party over and done with by now.
And we'd be happy.
Instead of sitting here,
But in the waiting: Growth. Maturing. Getting used to the silence. The quiet. Older now, I can see the good, the absolutely-these-are-100%-blessings that develop in times of waiting.
In the waiting: Relationship. I am encouraged. I encourage. We compare notes. We share laughter. We accept each other's tears. We share time. The coffee between us grows cold. We still have more to share. Time allows for healing. Time allows for forgiveness. Time allows for love & friendship.
In the waiting: Peace. Because the burden is lifted from my shoulders. It is not dependent on me. It is mine to remain steadfast. It is mine to know the timing is planned. I can rest. I find peace in the midst of the chaos.
In the waiting: Meditation. Who He is. Who is He? He who is is worthy of my focus, my attention, my waiting. It is, after all, not even at all about me.
I'm the worst wait-er ever. But He is faithful to meet me there in the worst of myself. He is faithful to comfort, to guide, to grow me in the waiting. I want to be like one of my favorites of the Christmas Bible story, Simeon, who - while waiting for the Messiah - continued to show up, looking for the promise, remaining"righteous & devout."
Peace is not placidity: peace is The power to endure the megatron of pain With joy, the silent thunder of release, The ordering of Love. Peace is the atom’s start, The primal image: God within the heart.
-selection from Sonnet, Trinity 18 Madeleine L'Engle