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  • Writer's pictureKelli

How to Hide Your Book Buying Addiction

Updated: Apr 26, 2019

Today I'd like to discuss an important topic.

Namely, How to Feed Your Book Habit Without Anyone Noticing

Subtitle: i never promote lying, but i do promote the acquiring of books at all costs

In My House: bookshelves - full of treasures Basement Bins - full Stack of books by my bedside  - motivation for living

You'd think I'd feel guilt for the amount of money I spend on books, but I don't. So let me, a pro, teach you five ways to feed your book addiction without getting caught:

1. Take over the family finances. You guys, I volunteer to keep our finances in the family. You might think, oh, that's so cute, Kelli. What's the big deal? What do you guys make, like five dollars? Listen up, we own our own business. Yes, we pay for a tax guy to do our taxes, but I'm responsible for the day to day and the quarterly tax payments and the balancing of the checkbooks (Quicken to the rescue!). I suffer for the cause. Around biz tax time in January I sit here in my sadness of mid-winter and I get that tax paperwork all filled out and done. I get so angry that day...I usually end up crying.

The point is, take over the finance keeping in your family and nobody notes how much is going to the book fund. You do the tax prepwork and NOBODY ASKS ANY QUESTIONS.

2. Any Book Purchases Get Put Into the Category of "Education" in Quicken: When doing said finances, put all receipts from bookstores or online orders under the category of Education in your account. Barnes & Noble is totally educational. And who's going to dig deep to see it was a purchase of the latest Tana French mystery novel? Not anyone in my house, that's who. #done

An addendum to this point is that any book purchases made at a Target type store get hidden in the "Household purchases" category. Put it in the same bag as the toilet bowl cleaner you just bought. Yes, you are absolutely playing with fire combining a liquid chemical and your precious new baby book - but you are not an amateur! You are willing to Risk It All.  So, go for it. Combine that toilet cleaner and that book because let's be honest, ain't nobody gonna open that bag to actually use the cleaner, so you're in the clear!

3. Like All Smart Investors: Diversify - Buy some books on your kindle. Subscribe to Have a membership in Book of the Month Club and purchase from and Barnes & Noble. Diversify and nobody realizes you actually had an intake of 10 books the last month. What? Me? But look here, I only spent $15 at the ol' Barnes & Noble this month!

Also, continue to refer to it as an Investment. Because it is. It is an investment in your mind, your entertainment and your rainy day where it is 56 degrees and your honey brought you a good ol' cup of coffee and you are curled up in your favorite chair with your favorite comfy blanket. Stock/Roth IRA Investment Equal to and On Par With Investing in Books

4.  Buy Books for Other People: I buy books and force them on others on a regular basis. Anyone asks, I can say, oh, I gave that to my friend! You look all generous and sweet and giving... you keep an extra copy for yourself. You win.

5. Have Your Defense Ready: The cost of the average paperback is around $12. Tell me you can find hours of entertainment for cheaper than that. The five of us went to a movie and paid for 3D - it cost close to a $80. For a movie. Okay, fine, it was Captain America, so it was worth it, but still. $80. Do you know how many books that is?? Justify, justify, justify.

Bonus: This one is only for the pros: Cyclical Purchasing.

This one can get tricky, but if you have the addiction, you will make it happen.

Here's how it's done:

Buy a book on Amazon.($12) Read it.

Sell it back to Amazon. ($5)

Take that $ and buy a book at Half Price Books ($4).

After reading that book, sell it on a garage sale site online ($2).

Buy a book at a garage sale ($1).

Give that book to someone else as a gift.

Total you just spent? $12.

Total you just saved? One million dollars because you are a winner.

Here's to all my fellow book stack makers! Go forth and make some good, healthy subterfugial (um, not a word) purchases today! "EDUCATION!"


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