hi, is this the line for mercy?
Oh, what have I become?/Dirty and wretched one
Am I unholy land?/Have I forced your hand?
[So I'm begging] Oh-oh-oh mercy, yeah
Oh-oh-oh mercy, yeah
-Twenty One Pilots "Downstairs"
For the longest time, I took the verse about "His mercies are new every morning" the wrong way. I saw it as me lining up again (again, again) with a feeble prayer, "Please sir, I want some more." like a spiritual Oliver Twist.
I pictured God holding a ladle with my measure of mercy, sighing in disappointment as I used it up before the crack of noon. Mercy being the absence of deserved judgment, I took the needing to receive it as a punishment in itself because wouldn't the converse be true? IF I wasn't such a sinful soul, wouldn't I not need to be standing here, begging once again?
My picture of it affected by my earthly experience of when I've had to ask a fellow human to extend mercy. It always seems to include a side eye, a sigh, a pat on the shoulder. "You are such a disappointment" implied. Felt.
This picture of new mercies every morning reminiscent of the manna in the wilderness, provided to the tired, whiny, disobedient children who could only dream of a desert pitstop with a McDonald's crispy, cold Diet Coke straight from Egypt. God (in His mercy) desiring to turn their stiff necks to look with faith in Him alone. Providing for them. All they had to do was trust Him to bring it.
What did they do after they gathered it? Retreat to their tent, like a food show competition challenge?"Create a feast out of quail and manna and make it taste like we've never had it before! You have twenty minutes, bake!"
It's not a stretch to picture myself spilling a bit of my morning mercy manna as I fumble my way through the challenge, burning it a bit around the edges. He molds it into a delicacy, a picture of Spiritual Winning propped up in front of the rest of us. She seems to have won immunity, maybe I could borrow a cup from her.
Moving on in the Bible story, Jeremiah's verse about new morning mercies is found in Lamentations. He is distraught at what he is seeing. The people of Israel have come through the Wilderness, started out so strong in the Promised Land. Yet humans as they were - like me, like you - they've drifted through judges, kings, prophets calling them back to God. Jeremiah laments for the people who are experiencing judgment, but he sees hope:
"My soul continually remembers [the affliction] and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in him."
The only hope is when he looks upon who God is. God hasn't swayed, wandered, depleted His stores. He is mercy. Steadfast. Unmoveable. Love.
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For the longest time, I got the new morning mercies verse wrong. I pictured me shuffling through the morning mercy line (on the days I hadn't slept in, missing it altogether). Waiting for the doled out measure in my torn, slightly-embarrassed-to-be-here self. "Please, God, may I have some more?"
Then I read Ephesians 1 again and it finally sunk in:
But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved.
I have access through Jesus to the One rich in mercy. The One who is mercy. Grace. Faithfulness. Love. To the One who won't hold back because He can't deny who He is (2 Timothy 2:13). It changes how I see His mercy.
For longer than I admit, I do it again: Make it about me (myself) (and I). What I've done (haven't done). How I haven't measured up (merciless standards). I make it about myself (better at rationing) making God smaller (oh, mercy) and somehow attributing how a human would act (stingy) instead of looking at Him who IS (mercy).
I don't need to sit in my tent at midnight in my moldy leftover thoughts, hoping in some humanly, superstitious way that God will come through the next morning with my next grocery delivery. I don't need to peek to see if what they're doing with their mercy is more "winning." Instead I am told I can approach Him anytime. In fact, His desire is for my stiff-necked self to approach Him. Not in superstition, but in confidence.
Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)
I stand before Him in confidence He's got enough because He is mercy. Stand next to her, nudging her with my elbow, "Glad to see you here, sister." I line up beside him, "Aren't you thankful, brother?" I stand hungry for more.
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside...
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness
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